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Find a Pause

I love to travel. It’s always been my passion and I was lucky enough to grow up in a family that valued travel. My parents always have, and continue to, encourage my sisters and I to travel, go new places, and most importantly try new things. So, when my husband asked me what I wanted to do for my 40th birthday in April, he wasn’t shocked with my response “I want to take a trip every month this year.” He did laugh and ask how I thought I was going to manage that? I responded, “I’ll figure it out. I just want to take some type of trip every month, even if it’s just a day trip while the kids are in school. I want and need to fill this year filled with adventure for all of us.”

Why did I feel this way?

Honestly, 40 seemed daunting. I wanted to make sure I was having fun and not dwelling on that number. But, I also felt like I was at a point in my life that I could. I have trustworthy teachers capable of handling the studio when I am away and, my kids are becoming more independent which makes traveling with them much easier; or leaving them for a trip much less burdensome. Most importantly, I felt like I needed to take a step back from the “go-go-go” that is my life now; to step back I would need to step away. Leave. Therefore, with my husband’s support, I started planning trips:) Family trips, trips with girlfriends, and solo trips. As of January 1st, I had trips planned through July (you can decide if there is irony, humor, or both in my planning...people plan and God Laughs, right?!?)

January and February started off great! I went to Mexico with two of my girlfriends to stay at a gorgeous condo my Dad rents every year. It was fantastic, just what we all needed. So fantastic, in fact, that I decided not to get on my flight home. That’s right, at the last minute, I just didn’t get on the plane….very uncharacteristic of me…my husband and kids arrived a week later and we enjoyed some family time. In total, I stayed in Mexico for almost 3 weeks. Talk about a pause and letting go of all control! I don’t recall exhaling the entire time my children were flying on that international flight without me. But, sure enough, everything and everyone was fine. The plane didn’t go down without me. Imagine that?!? LOL.

Did I have mom guilt? YEP.

Did I have guilt for not working? YEP.

Did everyone and everything end up ok without my control & micro-managing? YEP!

Taking that pause gave me a chance to breathe, make some decisions I’d been dwelling on, spend time alone, enjoy time with just my dad (I can’t recall the last time that happened) and time with another friend/fellow yoga teacher who decided to meet me for a few days. It was glorious!

Then, as we all know, a terrible pandemic gripped the entire globe. All of our worlds changed and everyone’s plans cancelled. In an instant, I went from feeling like I finally could let go of some control and take a break to everything spinning out of control. Cancelled trips were (and still are) the least of my concerns. Like every parent and most people, my worries are endless right now. There is so much we can’t control and, as noted above….I LIKE TO CONTROL ALL THE THINGS, ALL THE TIME! However, I am still determined to find some “Pauses” this year. They aren’t going to look like what I hoped they would but, this is life at this moment. I can either adjust my sails or get blown away.

This past weekend, my family and I took a small trip to a lake not far from home. We did a lot of lake swimming, boating, some hiking, and stayed up a little too late playing "Throw the Burrito" (a game highly recommended by my children should you be in the market for a new family favorite); otherwise, we didn’t do anything too differently than what we are now in our own home. We didn't even have a meal out. But, the change of scenery was just what the doctor ordered. I had minimal reception and couldn’t get news updates...sometimes texting worked...sometimes they didn’t. It was just the reminder I needed… even when I can't travel or travel too far right now...

I can control small things.

I can turn off notifications on my phone.

I can pause before I respond to people or read/share an article.

I can pause and just be in the moment with my kids.

I can pause to take time for my own practice

I can adjust my attitude.

I CAN PAUSE.

And, guess what...the plane won't go down.